


Matcha Macchiato

by byuniehoney



Category: Day6 (Band), GOT7, JJ Project, Monsta X (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Attempt at Humor, BTS members are mentioned, Denial, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, The Author Regrets Nothing, bambam is there for all your kpop and kdrama reference needs, chat room, chatfic, day6 helps got5 w getting jjp together, hoseok and hyungwon live together, hoseok has a hangover on a weekly basis, hyunwoo is slightly worried about everyone's mental health, jackson gets shit for breathing, jjp are saltmates, jjp too, jooheon and changkyun live together too, kihyun has seen some shit, kihyun lives with yoongi and he's mentioned from time to time, literally everyone knows that jjp are in love, watch out for the 97 squad, yoongi makes a cameo in c15, youngjae and minhyuk are angels, yugyeom spills shit way too often
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2018-12-09 12:26:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 10,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11669091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byuniehoney/pseuds/byuniehoney
Summary: AU where GOT7 own a (very not hip) café in Seoul and decide that it needs a little decorating, they turn to Jooheon (an interior designer) and his coworkers for help.Completely told through their disastrous group chat.





	1. Change is Necessary

**Author's Note:**

> so I've been thinking/working on this since??? begin July?? but here it is now.
> 
> I haven't decided on relationships yet but that might change in the future ;)  
> for now, enjoy these losers and their antics <3

**[stop JB from wearing bucket hats]**

_headass joined the chat_

_Jinyoung joined the chat_

_fresh tuna joined the chat_

_DoubleB joined the chat_

_The Sun joined the chat_

 

headass: y’all I've been thinking….

 

Jinyoung: oh, where did you get a brain? last time I checked you didn't have one and I’m pretty sure you need one to think.

 

Jinyoung: plus if this is one of your plans that we should put in action because we’re “just as disappointing and boring as yugyeom’s fashion taste” then count me out.

 

headass: I came here to have a good time and literally 1 second in and I'm already getting attacked

 

Jinyoung: last time we listened to you we almost got arrested

 

DoubleB: that happens every time we listen to him tho

 

headass: the amount of disrespect-

 

_JB joined the chat_

 

fresh tuna: what were you thinking though?

 

The Sun: actually I’m kind of curious too!!

 

headass: the only angels in this demonic group

 

headass: I was thinking

 

JB: well that's a first

 

headass : FUCKING GODDAMMIT WHY ARE YOU TWO LIKE THIS

 

_Brownie sunbaenim joined the chat_

 

headass: I was thinking that our interior design sucks

 

headass: the cafe’s

 

headass: it’s ass bland as those smoothies JB drinks to make himself think he's fit

 

Brownie sunbaenim: was that ass intentional or

 

JB: I saw you eat grass you have no right to insult me

 

headass: I WAS FIVE. I ATE GRASS AT THE MARVELOUS AGE OF FIVE. BECAUSE I WAS CURIOUS.

 

Jinyoung:ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

 

JB: at least you upgraded to expensive organic shit

 

DoubleB: let’s stick to the script

 

DoubleB: I agree w Jackson on the interior design thing

 

headass: thank you

 

Jinyoung: I think everyone does, we were on a low budget when we were opening, remember?

 

JB: bad times, bad times

 

JB: it would’ve went well if Jackson told us he was actually rich

 

headass: well sorry for not coming out as a chaebol earlier

 

Jinyoung: brb I have to wash my eyes out with bleach are you watching kdramas again

 

fresh tuna: we live in Seoul, I don’t think it’s that unusual

 

headass: bambam has been yelling at me abt ‘W: Two Worlds’ for an entire week so i had to watch it

 

JB: didn’t that end like a year ago though;;

 

The Sun: didn’t Lee Jongsuk play the male protagonist? He looked so handsome… the acting was great as well…

 

Brownie sunbaenim: if only knetz were as kind as youngjae lmao

 

DoubleB: I can’t watch shows while they’re still airing

 

DoubleB: there’s a 90% chance that I’ll rip my hair out while waiting for the next episode

 

DoubleB: and I cherish my hairline

 

Mark: well we have more money now so… can't we just redo it?

 

The Sun: maybe we should hire an interior designer

 

JB: that's probably the best solution considering the fact that we will jump on each other if we don't agree on something. especially Bambam.

 

DoubleB: why especially me

 

JB: do I really have to remind you of that time you let coco chew on yugyeom’s shorts because you hated them?

 

DoubleB: WHO THE FUCK WEARS CAPRI PANTS IN THIS DAY AND AGE

 

Brownie sunbaenim: they weren't THAT bad

 

Brownie sunbaenim: you’re such a dramatic bitch sometimes

 

DoubleB: one day you’ll realize that I did you a favor

 

headass: oh shit guys

 

fresh tuna: ???

 

headass: actually one of my friends is an interior designer, I could ask him

 

headass: we might even get a discount

 

Jinyoung: now I’m in

 

Mark: jinyoung, the man that will do anything for a discount

 

headass: ok brb i’ll text him

 

_headass left the chat_

 


	2. Honey Is Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jooheon's here ;)

**private conversation between [wangie] and [hiphop enthousiast]**

 

wangie: yo jooheon

 

hiphop enthousiast: yo jackson

 

wangie: you're an interior designer right

 

hiphop enthousiast: glad that you, my best friend since middle school, know what my job is

 

wangie: why the fuck is everyone like this today

 

wangie: anyway

 

hiphop enthousiast: I was just fucking with ya lmao but yeah I am

 

wangie: you know that I own a cafe w jaebum and the others right

 

hiphop enthousiast: I do

 

wangie: well since our cafe basically looks like it came straight out of an 80ies (beach) movie we wanna change it up

 

wangie: so we wanted to hire an interior designer and you're the only one that I know that I actually trust

 

hiphop enthousiast: thanks man

 

hiphop enthousiast: Can I come over sometime to take a look? when are you free?

 

wangie: why don't you come on Tuesday? we don't have a lot of people then

 

hiphop enthousiast: okay, I’ll see you, 12 pm?

 

wangie: aight, can we get a discount tho

 

hiphop enthousiast: let's discuss that later

 

wangie: I’ll add you to a group with the others

 

wangie: wait a min

 

**[stop JB from wearing bucket hats]**

_headass joined the chat_

_headass added jooheon to the chat_

_Jinyoung joined the chat_

 

Jooheon: why is your name headass

 

headass: long story

 

Jinyoung: we have time though ;)

 

headass: we’re not gonna do this right now though ;)

 

_JB joined the chat_

 

Jinyoung: wait, Jooheon, who are you?

 

Jooheon: the interior designer who’ll help you guys?

 

Jinyoung: oh

 

JB: well that was quick

 

headass: yea

 

headass: Jooheon actually replies to my messages as quickly as he can, unlike y’all

 

JB: that's because I’m always dancing or working at the cafe when you fucking text me

 

headass: sorry, I don't speak parseltongue, you snake

 

JB: fuck you, I give you free haircuts

 

Jooheon: lmao this chat isn't any better than the one I share with my coworkers

 

headass: you work with kyunie right? I miss that guy

 

Jinyoung: wait who

 

headass: old friend of mine

 

Jooheon: you’ll get to meet him and some other coworkers of mine soon, we do most projects together

 

JB: How big is your crew then?

 

Jooheon: we’re with 7

 

headass: just like us lmao

 

Jinyoung: do you need that many people though?

 

Jooheon: you don't but it's just more fun that way

 

Jooheon: and you get to hear more opinions

 

Jinyoung: oh cool!

 

_DoubleB joined the chat_

 

DoubleB: IM CRYING

 

Jinyoung: nothing new tbh

 

DoubleB: SO I WAS TRYING TO TEACH YUGYEOM HOW TO MAKE A NEW DRINK

 

DoubleB: aND THE MACHINE SUDDENLY STOPPED SO HE HIT IT AND NOW HES COVERED IN COFFEE

 

DoubleB: I CANT YOU SHOULDVE SEEN HIM

 

headass: pics or it didn't happen

 

DoubleB: in a sec

 

DoubleB: BUT THEN HE REMADE THE COFFEE (SUCCESSFULLY) AND HE TRIED TO ADD WHIPPED CREAM ON TOP BUT NOTHING WAS COMING OUT SO I WAS LIKE HERE LET ME TRY

 

DoubleB: sO I WANTED TO KID AROUND AND ACT AS IF ID COVER HIS HAIR WITH WHIPPED CREAM

 

DoubleB: EXCEPT WHIPPED CREAM ACTUALLY CAME OUT NOW

 

DoubleB: my point is that you should be careful bc Yugyeom is out for blood

 

DoubleB: and I’m @ Youngjae’s place for protection

 

Jooheon: is it always like this here

 

JB: every fucking day

 

Jooheon: amazing, I love this already

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big BIG BIG thank u to @immarbles for always reading these and making sure there are no mistakes before I upoad these ily bb
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chap!! the other members will join soon!! see you on Monday!! (also pls tell me what u think i love comments and talking to ppl)
> 
> if you have any questions bc something's unclear feel free to ask <3


	3. The origin of Brownie sunbaenim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no self-control whatsoever so have another chapter (this is why i shouldnt do things ahead of time)  
> enjoy yugy being the biggest chris brown stan in seoul

**[stop JB from wearing bucket hats]**

_headass joined the chat_

_Jooheon joined the chat_

_Jooheon added Lee Minhyuk and Daniel Lim to the chat_

_Jooheon changed Lee Minhyuk’s nickname to “minANGEL”_

_Jooheon changed Daniel Lim’s nickname to “ kyunie”_

 

Jooheon: everyone, these are my coworkers Minhyuk and Changkyun they’re gonna work w/ us on this lmao

 

kyunie: We’re at the cafe right now.

 

headass: sorry yall i thought that everyone would be here on time but when have they not failed me? esp at times like this? lol

 

minANGEL: You’re such a sweetheart, Jooheon! Thanks for the cute nickname <33

 

Kyunie: it’s okay Jackson, half of our crew isn’t even coming because they’re too busy making fun of Hoseok and his hangover

 

_Jinyoung joined the chat_

_The Sun joined the chat_

_Brownie sunbaenim joined the chat_

 

The Sun: Hello! It’s nice to meet you

 

minANGEL: nice to meet you too!

 

Jinyoung: wait are we allowed to be unprofessional? Aren’t we going to talk about business

 

_JB joined the chat_

 

JB: sorry the traffic was bad;; I’m here now

 

headass: sorry but i cant be professional with any of you

 

Jinyoung: Jackson, we own a cafe together.

 

headass: doesn’t change the fact that you yelled “I fucking hate ALL OF YOU! YOURE NOT MY SONS ANYMORE, YOURE ALL ADOPTED! AND JB WERE GETTING A DIVORCE”

 

headass: we’re basically a family no printer just fax

 

kyunie: That’s a daily occurrence at our place too lol

 

JB: okay but jinyoung why WERE you divorcing me, I was just enjoying my croissant

 

Jinyoung: Yugyeom dropped some espresso on his feet and all you did was stare at him and shake your head... you should’ve helped the poor baby

 

JB: it happens so often I was (and still am) disappointed

 

Brownie sunbaenim: thank god I wasn’t wearing crocs or anything, I could've seriously hurt myself

 

DoubleB: the fact that you even wear crocs hurts me even more yugy

 

DoubleB: but i have a vid of that majestic moment lmao

 

minANGEL: Why did you spill the espresso though?

 

Jooheon: yeah spill the tea

 

headass: or coffee ;)

 

Jinyoung: my admin rights. where are my admin rights. I demand to see and use my admin rights.

 

Brownie sunbaenim: so I had prepared a delicious shot of espresso and I was scrolling through instagram

 

DoubleB: chris brown follows him and his ass screams “BROWNIE SUNBAENIM FOLLOWED ME ON INSTAGRAM” and drops the coffee

 

DoubleB: obviously I had to post it on twitter

 

kyunie: wait

 

kyunie: YOU are THE brownie sunbaenim guy?

 

kyunie: dude the entire city knows and loves you

 

DoubleB: a whole legend

 

JB: would you look at that our gyeomie actually became a local meme

 

Brownie sunbaenim: I CANT BELIEVE YOU POSTED IT ONLINE

 

headass: bambam obviously lives up to his name, a true snake

 

_JB kicked headass out of the chat_

 

Jinyoung: fucking finally

 

JB: okay since mark arrived and we’re complete now we should start discussing things

 

Jooheon: ok

 

_Jooheon left the chat_

_minANGEL left the chat_

_kyunie left the chat_

_JB left the chat_

_Brownie sunbaenim left the chat_

_DoubleB left the chat_

_The Sun left the chat_

_Jinyoung left the chat_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a whole Mess


	4. THICCseok needs help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hoseok has a hangover and jooheon is about to get an asswhooping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i lo v E JJP AND WINNER AND EXO YES KINGS SLAY ME

**[I Am What I Am Man]**

_ THICCseok joined the chat _

_ bitchwon joined the chat _

_ papi joined the chat _

 

THICCseok: guys I think I have a hangover again

 

bitchwon: I know, I can hear you grunt all the way from my room

 

_ sexy brains joined the chat _

 

sexy brains: how do you even have a hangover? it’s fucking Wednesday. seriously… how you do that is beyond me… 

 

bitchwon: we don't work on Wednesdays so this loser occasionally goes partying on Tuesdays only to regret it the next morning

 

THICCseok: hyungwon, can you get me something for my hangover?

 

bitchwon: but what do I get in return?

 

THICCseok: ugh what do you want?

 

bitchwon: oh you know what I want ;)

 

papi: I’m quite concerned where is this conversation going

 

THICCseok: hyungwon we can't get a goddamn cat we talked about this

 

bitchwon: well you're not getting any help from me until we do 

 

bitchwon: good luck with your hangover

 

THICCseok: fine I’ll get myself a goddamn glass of water

 

sexy brains: lol couldn't you have gotten that yourself in the first place? I’m surprised hyungwon lets you act like such a kid

 

THICCseok: You're underestimating my hangover

 

papi: don't drink too much hoseok, we know that you won't be able to pay the hospital fees if you get alcohol poisoning 

 

_ joohoney joined the chat _

_ maknae joined the chat _

 

joohoney: good luck with your hangover hoseok lol

 

THICCseok: thanks I need it

 

joohoney: ok so guys 

 

joohoney: remember jackson’s cafe? his crew decided on the colors they wanted to work with

 

sexy brains: oh?

 

_ hyukie joined the chat _

 

bitchwon: let me guess: black and white

 

joohoney: ding ding ding

 

joohoney: we have a winner

 

joohoney: they also want baby pink here and there for color

 

hyukie: that was youngjae’s idea <3

 

papi: is youngjae the angel of their group?

 

maknae: yea, Minhyuk and Youngjae got along immediately 

 

bitchwon: so there is still hope for humanity 

 

sexy brains: apparently 

 

joohoney: lol

 

joohoney: anyway, we’re meeting up with them on sun, 4PM @ the cafe

 

joohoney: you guys better be there on time

 

papi: and this time no “Shaming Hoseok For His Hangover” session 

 

bitchwon: why must you take everything I love away from me 

 

THICCseok: bless whoever invented painkillers

 

THICCseok: and I’m going to ignore what you said

 

bitchwon: but hilarious shit happens whenever you're hung over

 

sexy brains: never forget that one time where he

 

sexy brains: I physically can't 

 

bitchwon: is this about the one time he was so hung over he accidentally tripped into the swimming pool and almost drowned?

 

sexy brains: yes

 

sexy brains: he looked so confused like “??? since when is oxygen so hydroxide???”

 

maknae: SINCE WHEN IS OXYGEN SO HYDROXIDE 

 

THICCseok: fuck you can't a man suffer in peace

 

papi: technically, that's impossible 

 

joohoney: you're also forgetting the fact that kihyun is the devil reincarnated 

 

sexy brains: yeah well, would be tragic if the devil’s reincarnation snitched and told our dear hyungwon who dyed his hair green last year during halloween 

 

bitchwon: JOOHEON

 

joohoney: FUCK YOU KIHYUN 

 

bitchwon: IM COMING TO YOUR GODDAMN APARTMENT YOU BETTER FUCKING OPEN THE DOOR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next update will be on wednesday <333   
> please let me know what you think


	5. Jinyoung feels left out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another episode of "Yugyeom spills shit"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> had to add a lil jjp moment but can u honestly blame me ?

**private conversation between [JB] and [jinyoungie]**

 

JB: Jinyoung

 

JB: are you out? if you're near a shop can you buy cereal?

 

jinyoungie: uhh

 

jinyoungie: I’ll try.

 

JB: where are you? you didn't even have breakfast. you should eat.

 

jinyoungie: oh my god jaebum i’m out for a run and it's only 8

 

JB: still, after that ‘diet’ shit you pulled during middle school I’m not letting you skip a meal.

 

jinyoungie: okay okay don't worry

 

jinyoungie: can you start making breakfast???

 

JB: yea sure what do you want? I’ll check if we have the ingredients

 

jinyoungie: just bacon and eggs? I’m sure we have those

 

JB: we do, I’ll start cooking then

 

jinyoungie: and I’ll buy cereal

 

JB: ok

 

jinyoungie: oh yeah btw youngjae called and said he wants us to try his drinks, he wants to “make drinks and help everyone out because he feels like he's slacking since he's just serving the drinks”

 

JB: if he's better than yugyeom he's good

 

jinyoungie: jae, sweetie, everyone’s better than yugyeom

 

JB: you have a

 

JB: solid point

 

jinyoungie: I always do

 

JB: oh yeah don't buy too much, we’re going to jeju for a week at the end of this month

 

jinyoungie: god the cafe’s going to be a disaster

 

JB: please don't remind me

 

**[stop JB from wearing bucket hats]**

_headass joined the chat_

_DoubleB joined the chat_

 

headass: IM WHEEZNGI

 

DoubleB: THSI SHIT ALWAYS HAPPNES TO HIM I CNAT

 

_Jinyoung joined the chat_

_Jooheon joined the chat_

_JB joined the chat_

 

Jinyoung: type normally you dumbasses

 

headass: JINYOUNG YUO GTTA HAR THIS

 

Jinyoung: I literally have no idea what you're saying

 

DoubleB: SO ME YUGYEOM AND JACKSON HYUNG ARE EATING KBBQ

 

DoubleB: AND YUGYEOM JUST DROPS THIS HUGE ASS PIECE OF MEAT ON HIS PANTS

 

headass: HES WEARING WHITE PANTS

 

Jinyoung: well he fucked up

 

JB: badly

 

Jooheon: DEAD

 

Jooheon: I literally joined this chat like a week ago and Yugyeom has dropped/spilled shit like 8 times already

 

headass: HES TRYINGG TO GET THE STAIN OFF @ THE BATHROOM RN

 

JB: it gets less funny the more it happens

 

Jinyoung: wait a second

 

Jinyoung: you guys are eating KBBQ?

 

Jinyoung: who’s paying.

 

headass: me?

 

Jinyoung: Jackson you haven't taken me out to eat meat since… I don't fucking know, the first time you got a paycheck?

 

headass: dude we ate ramen together

 

headass: last week

 

Jinyoung: it’s not the fucking same

 

Jooheon:  _sips nervously_

 

 JB: Jinyoung you're eating meat rn, with me

 

Jinyoung: yeah but you’re like my husband we do this all the time, so please don’t butt in

 

Jooheon: wait are you guys an actual thing @JB & @Jinyoung

 

DoubleB: more like bum in amirite 5555

 

Jinyoung: hello 119 how do I get a restraining order on Bambam?

 

headass: FINE ILL EAT MEAT WITH YOU THIS MONTH

 

headass: CHRSIT

 

DoubleB: praise our savior Jesus Chrsit

 

Jooheon: too far bam

 

JB: and now I leave

 

JB: goodbye

 

Jinyoung: same, but I won't forget this Jackson, I’m really hurt

 

headass: wow ok

 

DoubleB: yUGY IS BACK AND THE STAIN ISNT GONE WE GTG

 

_JB left the chat_

_headass left the chat_

_Jinyoung left the chat_

_DoubleB left the chat_

 

Jooheon: WAIT

 

Jooheon: I DIDNT GET AN ANSWER FROM JINYOUNG AND JAEBUM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to talk to me @byuniehoney/@yoonfluff on instagram or @sad-pastel on tumblr!
> 
> edit: chap has been edited because i accidentally uploaded an unfinished version of this, gg me


	6. When The Group Chat becomes A Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically the rest of the members join and everything becomes chaotic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reminder:  
> frog: hyungwon  
> satan: kihyun  
> wonhoe: wonho  
> minANGEL: minhyuk  
> kyunie: I.M  
> Hyunwoo: shownu  
> fresh tuna: mark  
> DoubleB: bambam  
> headass: jackson  
> Brownie sunbaenim: yugyeom  
> The Sun: youngjae  
> Jinyoung: speaks for itself (its jinyoung)  
> JB: ....... Jaebum

**[stop JB from wearing bucket hats]**

_ Jooheon joined the chat _

_ Jooheon added Hyunwoo _

_ Jooheon added Yoo Kihyun _

_ Jooheon added CHW _

_ Jooheon added Shin Wonho _

_ JB joined the chat _

_ Jooheon changed Yoo Kihyun’s nickname to “satan” _

_ Jooheon changed CHW’s nickname to “frog” _

_ Jooheon changed Shin Wonho’s name to “wonhoe” _

 

JB: the fuck is this mess

 

JB: wait a second, Hyunwoo? Like from my dance crew?

 

JB: I just checked your number and… Wow that IS you. Didn't know that you worked with Jooheon.

 

Jooheon: Jesus fucking Christ that took a while

 

satan: did you just name me satan

 

Jooheon: yes 

 

_ T _ _ he Sun joined the chat _

 

The Sun: hi I’m youngjae! it’s nice to meet you

 

satan: I

 

satan: he really is like minhyuk

 

JB: he just said hi

 

_ fresh tuna joined the chat _

 

frog: he’s used to getting greeted with “what the fuck are you up to, you asshole?”

 

fresh tuna: heartwarming 

 

Hyunwoo: wow Jaebum? I didn't see that one coming

 

frog: you're telling me you dance with our client but never really knew it was him?

 

Hyunwoo: in a way, yes

 

fresh tuna: there are 14 people in this chat now wow

 

JB: if you don't mind me asking, why’s Kihyun ‘satan’?

 

frog: let me explain

 

Hyunwoo: not this again…

 

_ headass joined the chat _

 

frog: so Jooheon Alexander The Stupid dyed my hair green last Halloween and Kihyun snitched on him 

 

headass: can you imagine having that as your actual name

 

frog: I beat his ass 

 

wonhoe: he means he roasted Jooheon and I got a vid of that exact moment 

 

_ wonhoe sent a video  _

 

The Sun: ohmygod that’s savage

 

Jooheon: how the fuck do you have that vid

 

wonhoe: changkyun hooked me up lol

 

JB: wait shouldn't hyungwon be named Satan then?

 

frog: as much as I’d love to have that title, Kihyun really deserves it

 

satan: gee thanks

 

frog: anyway, continuing my story, as a thank you, I told Kihyun that Jooheon was the one who crashed into his car and then Jooheon got his ass beat by Kihyun 

 

headass: what’s with you and getting your ass beat man

 

Jooheon: idk dude I’m just trying to live life here 

 

wonhoe: sadly I don't have a vid of that because Kihyun’s flatmate is a frigid bitch

 

satan: I’d defend him but he really is (to you guys, not me)

 

headass: yeah yoongi is really sweet to you

 

Jooheon: trust me my self esteem hit an all time low when I was at Kihyun’s, he has no mercy

 

fresh tuna: well at least you only got roasted and slapped a few times

 

Jooheon: Kihyun punched me tho

 

satan: be glad that I’m not suing your ass

 

_ Jinyoung joined the chat _

 

The Sun: hi hyung!

 

Jinyoung: hello Youngjae

 

Jooheon: yes thank you Lucifer for your kind deeds and consideration 

 

Jinyoung: what the fuck?

 

JB: So the reason Kihyun’s called satan is because he started all of this?

 

Hyunwoo: yes

 

wonhoe: yes 

 

Jooheon: yes 

 

frog: yes

 

satan: I suppose?

 

JB: wow timing

 

headass: sounds like another Jinyoung tbh he always whoops my ass 

 

Jinyoung: because you do really stupid shit 

 

headass: not  _ always _

 

fresh tuna: often though

 

headass: Mark,  _ my dudebro _ , you're supposed to defend me

 

fresh tuna: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

Jinyoung: ok so it’s been a good few minutes and I've read all the texts and

 

Jinyoung: Yoo Kihyun.

 

satan: what is it?

 

Jinyoung: you and I are going to get along ;)

 

satan: oh that’s great to hear ;)

 

The Sun: yeah! *ﾟ+.*.｡(❁´◡`❁)｡.｡:+*

 

headass: YOUNGJAE NO

 

Jooheon: YOUNGJAE NO

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jesus this was one wild chapter. sorry for this mess lol the next chapter is way better than this.  
> please let me know what you think! <3


	7. COCO NO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm soft for youngjae and he hasn't been on this chat much I'm a horrible cyj stan :((  
> also why is updating on mobile so frustrating dahvsdjhd

**[stop JB from wearing bucket hats]**

_The Sun joined the chat_  
_headass joined the chat_  
_satan joined the chat_  
_frog joined the chat_  
_minANGEL joined the chat_

The Sun: I am… very disappointed in Coco… and very concerned

satan: sorry sweetie, but who the fuck is Coco?

headass: that’s his dog lol. Mark’s too. They share a dog

minANGEL: what happened to coco???

The Sun: Coco ate…. A cucumber

frog: are dogs allowed to do that? Is it sick? I feel like it’ll be sick

The Sun: please don’t say that hyung!! I don’t know what I’ll do if Coco gets sick (ू˃̣̣̣̣̣̣︿˂̣̣̣̣̣̣ ू)

headass: how did he even eat a cucumber you hate cucumbers you never buy cucumbers

headass: does Markie even know about this?

The Sun: …….

frog: Youngjae…

The Sun: I’ll call him now!! I was just so shocked I forgot about telling him;;

_The Sun left the chat_

headass: do you want me to ask Hoseok to check on Coco??

headass: oh he left rip

frog: wdum ask Hoseok to check on Coco???? He doesn’t know shit about animals

headass: not hoseok, I meant hoseok

frog: what?;;

satan: I think Jackson’s talking about Jung Hoseok, not Shin Hoseok

headass: thank you satan

satan: you’re welcome, Jackson.

frog: okay… who the fuck is Jung Hoseok???

minANGEL: hyungwon you really need to go out and make more friends, everyone knows Jung Hoseok!!

frog: haha sorry but

frog: a good book > socializing

satan: well jhs is a vet (a good one too), I know him through yoongi because they’re friends

frog: yoongi has friends???? Other than you??? Incredible

headass: he knows more people than you’d think tho

frog: as expected of kihyun’s sugar daddy, he’s so lowkey about everything I wouldn’t be surprised if he turned out to be a mafia member

satan: oh my god can you stop calling him my sugar daddy

minANGEL: he DID buy you a rolex

headass: wiggles eyebrows

headass: minhyuk do you have more tea that you can spill??? ;))

minANGEL: yes

minANGEL: I’ll tell you if you treat me to a matcha macchiato…. With whipped cream

headass: DEAL

satan: MINHYUK

 _headass left the chat_  
_minANGEL left the chat_

frog: this is probably karma for all the times you exposed and blackmailed everyone

satan: THIS ISNT EVEN TRUE THOUGH

satan: if yoongi finds out that you guys call him my sugar daddy and kills me, know that my blood’s on your hands.

frog: finally, I’ll have a legacy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Kihyun/Yoongi their bromance is adorable  
> please let me know what you think! ( requests are fine too, I'll try to add them if I can)  
> yell @ me on Instagram (@byuniehoney) and Tumblr (@sad-pastel)


	8. shawty bambam's gonna party till the sun down(?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> are markson on a date? is bambam on his way to become the next member of IOI? did monsta x (accidentally) do drugs during uni?  
> all the answers are in this chapter ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember when I said that I don't have self control? i wasn't lying. this was supposed to be posted on monday but here we are. (please check out the notes at the end)
> 
> WARNING: a lot of kpop inside jokes... i mean even the title of this chapter is an inside joke
> 
> the songs for those who can't read hangul:  
> 1\. LOSER (BIGBANG)  
> 2\. BANG BANG BANG (u guessed it BIGBANG)  
> 3\. Very Very Very (IOI)  
> 4\. Baby, don't cry (EXO)  
> 5\. Go Crazy! (2PM)

**private conversation between [Jia Er] and [Yi En]**

 

Jia Er: babe

 

Yi En: yes?

 

Jia Er: pizza or noodles??

 

Yi En: why are you asking?

 

Jia Er: you know how none of the babies of our group have a driving license right?

 

Yi En: yes but what does that have to do with pizza and noodles?

 

Jia Er: let me finish dork

 

Jia Er: so the toddlers of our group went to a karaoke bar with Changkyun and I gave them a lift bc i’m a good bro like that

 

Yi En: whatta gentleman

 

Jia Er: <3

 

Jia Er: since I’m out anyway I can just buy something for us to eat during our movie night

 

Yi En: oh get pizza then

 

Yi En: btw Ghibli movies right?

 

Jia Er: yes

 

Yi En: ok I’ll prepare everything while u get us food

 

Jia Er: ok babe see u

 

Yi En: bye

  


**[stop JB from wearing bucket hats]**

_kyunie joined  the chat_

_satan joined the chat_

_Hyunwoo joined the chat_

_Jinyoung joined the chat_

 

kyunie: IM SNORTING

 

Hyunwoo: hopefully you're not snorting coke

 

Jinyoung: Hyunwoo what?

 

kyunie: WAIT

 

_kyunie left the chat_

 

Hyunwoo: after everything that happened during uni, I can't help but be worried

 

Jinyoung: you guys did drugs??

 

satan: it’s complicated

 

satan: so back when we were in uni jooheon had this hella weird roommate

 

satan: and for some weird ass reason we were making cupcakes

 

Jinyoung: how did you guys even have time for that I didn't even have the time to blink during uni

 

satan: honestly? no idea.

 

Hyunwoo: but we didn't have enough sugar so we searched for more

 

Hyunwoo: and Minhyuk found a bag somewhere in the kitchen

 

Jinyoung: oh my fucking God

 

satan: turns out Jooheon’s roommate was a dealer

 

satan: and we added it to the cake

 

Jinyoung: why didn't you guys taste it?? it could've been salt

 

Hyunwoo: I don't know

 

satan: we probably didn't give a shit

 

satan: but everyone got super fucking high

 

Hyunwoo: I don't even remember half of what happened

 

satan: I remember Hoseok yelling and trying to fight a pigeon who he thought was a goose

 

Jinyoung: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

 

satan: and someone yelled “you incompetent raccoon, how dare you touch my cake”

 

Hyunwoo: probably hyungwon

 

Jinyoung: yeah sounds like him

 

satan: but yea that's it and that's when jooheon moved in with kyunie

 

_kyunie joined the chat_

 

Jinyoung: speaking of the devil

 

satan: I'm still the alpha

 

kyunie: GUYS IM AT A KARAOKE BAR WITH BAMBAM YUGYEOM AND YOUNGJAE

 

kyunie: thEYRE HELLA DRUNK BUT YOU KNOW IM A CHILD OF GOD SO IM JUST SIPPING MY APPLE JUICE

 

satan: you're an atheist

 

kyunie: let me live mom

 

kyunie: also youngjae has a really nice voice, I didn't know that

 

Jinyoung: yeah my baby is very talented

 

Hyunwoo: are you guys having fun?

 

kyunie: fun would be an UNDERSTATEMENT

 

kyunie: also thanks Jackson for being our (free) uber and blasting SISTAR

 

Jinyoung: he always blasts SISTAR

 

kyunie: anyway we started off with a few BB songs

 

kyunie: and then Bambam just went

 

kyunie: 너무너무너무

 

satan: whatta man

 

Jinyoung: Kihyun don't motivate him

 

satan: I just had to but k

 

Hyunwoo: wait what is 너무너무너무???

 

kyunie: Bambam would get in a fistfight with you if he heard that

 

satan: it’s a girl group song

 

Jinyoung: IOI’s the name of the group, Jackson is friends with one of the girls

 

kyunie: serious??

 

kyunie: anyway this is hilarious let me show you guys

 

_kyunie sent a video_

_kyunie sent a video_

_kyunie sent a video_

_kyunie sent a video_

_kyunie sent a video_

 

Hyunwoo: did you just record all the songs you guys covered

 

Hyunwoo: wait the first two are loser and bang x3 but what are the other 3?

 

Hyunwoo: oh the third’s 너무너무너무

 

Jinyoung: the 4th one is 인어의 눈물

 

Jinyoung: thanks for the videos they will be added to my blackmail folder

 

Jinyoung: wow that “baby, don’t cry, tonight”

 

satan: youngjae is really good at singing, yugyeom’s quite good at singing too

 

kyunie: the last song is “미친거 아니야?”

 

Hyunwoo: wow really? I didn't realize because Bambam was screaming his lungs out

 

Jinyoung: news flash: he's always screaming his lungs out

 

kyunie: okay, was nice laughing with you guys but I must go now

 

_kyunie left the chat_

 

satan: not trying to be sentimental or anything but I’m glad everyone's getting along

 

Hyunwoo: same

 

Jinyoung: speaking of teamwork

 

Jinyoung: do you guys want to tag along as we shop for new furniture for the cafe?

 

Hyunwoo: I can, I’m sure others can too so maybe it's better if we plan tomorrow

 

satan: yea I agree +++ gtg Yoongi is home and hangry

 

Jinyoung: see you tomorrow then guys :)

 

_satan left the chat_

_Jinyoung left the chat_

_Hyunwoo left the chat_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big big biG thanks to everyone who bookmarks this or leaves a kudo/comment! it really motivates me to post more!! love u guys <33
> 
> I'm halfway done with what I originally planned, which wasn't much really. but the guys are ALMOSt done with renovating the cafe!! of course it doesn't seem like it in the chats but they do meet up lots. I'm saying this to avoid confusion ;) 
> 
> BUT that doesn't mean the end AT ALL! I have an idea which might involve another group being an important part of this story. I haven't decided on which group yet, but if you have any suggestions let me know who you guys wanna see here!!


	9. HOW TO: have a headache at IKEA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when you go to ikea with your friends and end up disowning all of them, a story by jinyoung
> 
> when you go to ikea with your friends and have to charm the staff with your good looks so that they won't kick you and your friends out, a sequel by jaebum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who's looking forward to the jjp jeju trip?

**[stop JB from wearing bucket hats]**

_JB joined the chat_

_Jinyoung joined the chat_

_satan joined the chat_

_fresh tuna joined the chat_

_headass joined the chat_

_frog joined the chat_

_wonhoe joined the chat_

 

Jinyoung: you guys embarrassed me so much at IKEA today

 

Jinyoung: IKEA OF ALL PLACES

 

JB: I’ve seen worse days

 

Jinyoung: I can’t believe Mark slept for 3 hours on a bed without any of us noticing

 

satan: I CAN believe Hyungwon joined him

 

frog: I usually don’t like spooning but it was nice spooning with you mark, you’re a great little spoon

 

_DoubleB joined the chat_

 

fresh tuna: thanks I havent slept that well in days

 

headass: MARK LET YOU BE THE BIG SPOON??????? HE NEVER LETS ME BE THE BIG SPOON

 

headass: _AMIBRO I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING_

 

fresh tuna: but you’re the one who insists on being the little spoon???

 

wonhoe: hyungwonie stop homewrecking

 

Jinyoung: also fuck you bambam I can’t believe you thought that the emergency exit was the ACTUAL exit

 

DoubleB: you think I know how to navigate through 4200 pieces of swedish furniture?

 

Jinyoung: there are actual fucking arrows on the ground to help you

 

JB: hey I’m the only one allowed to be pissed here, I had to talk to the staff there and convince them to not kick us out

 

wonhoe: they only tolerated us because you’re good looking tbh

 

headass: DEADASS

 

headass: why is everyone so fucking hot??????

 

fresh tuna: you’re hot too jacks

 

headass: aw babe <3

 

frog: ugh couples

 

DoubleB: so it takes calling jackson hot for him to forgive you for ignoring his text and not letting him be the big spoon??? Whipped

 

headass: what can i say, im a forgiving soul

 

satan: somehow I have trouble believing that

 

headass: :(

 

Jinyoung: anyway, I’m not done complaining.

 

Jinyoung: Jaebum

 

JB: what is it ? are we getting _another_ divorce?

 

Jinyoung: no

 

Jinyoung: but can you NOT buy everything with a cat on it? Like our entire house is cat themed.

 

JB: but you have to admit those cat plates were a good buy

 

Jinyoung: J A E BU M

 

JB: okay FINE

 

wonhoe: tbh I just can’t believe youngjae choked on a meatball because of a dick joke

 

satan: i doubt he even curses, THATS how pure he is

 

DoubleB: oh he does curse

 

frog: are you being serious?

 

headass: only when hes drunk tho

 

fresh tuna: which is like after half a shot

 

satan: unbelievable

 

wonhoe: dsbvhdsbmqfbvfmqs

 

frog: hoseok what;;;

 

wonhoe: sorry i keep on imagining satan saying the things kihyun says and its pretty hilarious

 

JB: you know what else is unbelievable? The fact that we actually got everything we needed.

 

Jinyoung: ok listen up you pieces of shit, and I’m talking to the ones who aren’t online too

 

Jinyoung: except Minhyuk and Youngjae you guys are sweethearts

 

Jinyoung: JB and I are going to jeju for two weeks starting tomorrow

 

Satan: dang have fun

 

Jinyoung: which means you guys are in charge of the renovations

 

Jinyoung: thanks kihyun we will if jae actually wakes up on time

 

JB: when will I get the respect I deserve in this relationship

 

JB: which means chaos… you guys being in charge, I mean

 

Jinyoung: and I want to see a NEW AND BEAUTIFUL cafe when I come back,  not a dumpster.

 

headass: yes mom and dad

 

frog: we’ll make sure it doesn’t end up being a disaster

 

wonhoe: you can count on us!!

 

JB: ok thanks

 

Jinyoung: we won’t be active so someone shame jackson and his stupid decisions for me

 

headass: wow the support is real in this family :)

 

DoubleB: don’t forget: souvenirs

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's time for me to add some more tags abt jjp if u kno what i mean ;)


	10. JJP: still a better love story than twilight (feat. Day6)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so wonpil and jae are on their trip to jeju with jjp and it's the worst third wheel scenario ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little guide:  
> kkkkwp: wonpil  
> Memelord: jae  
> Not brian: young k or..... yknow.... brian  
> wanganic tea: jackson  
> Markiepooh: mark  
> Happy virus: youngjae  
> KYUM: yugyeom  
> DABDAB: bambam ( i do in fact regret this decision )

**[stan saltmates stan jjp]**

_kkkkwp joined the chat_

_Memelord joined the chat_

_wanganic tea joined the chat_

_markiepooh joined the chat_

_Not brian joined the chat_

_KYUM joined the chat_

_DABDAB joined the chat_

_Happy virus joined the chat_

 

Memelord: for the first time in forever

 

Memelord: everyone’s active in this chat

 

Memelord: iconic

 

kkkkwp: it’s because of jjp’s trip to jeju

 

Not brian: wonpil you’re literally there with them…. 

 

wanganic tea: thanks for ruining their honeymoon, seriously, I consider this karma

 

KYUM: hyung that’s sick. I totally agree

 

DABDAB: it’s what she deserves

 

kkkkwp: sorry to burst your bubble but I’m being such a third wheel

 

kkkkwp: like… the looks they give each other…. The conversations…. When did they become so domestic??

 

kkkkwp: I don’t know what I would’ve done if Jae didn’t come along

 

Memelord: once again I save the world from….. Couples.

 

Happy virus: omg remember last week

 

Markiepooh: I was p sure I was gonna die

 

Not brian: what happened????

 

wanganic tea: LET ME TELL THEM LET ME TELL THEM

 

wanganic tea: the tea is hot

 

wanganic tea: so you guys know how jb and jy are basically in denial right? Like they refuse to believe they’re in love???

 

Memelord: a true tragedy.

 

kkkkwp: it keeps us all awake at night

 

wanganic tea: ANYWAY,, mark slapped jy’s ass the other day

 

Markiepooh: none of you can blame me youve seen his ass

 

Not brian: it’s a 10/10

 

Memelord: we could never blame u

 

DABDAB: continuE I HAVE SOMETHING TO ADD

 

wanganic tea: damn bitch ok

 

wanganic tea: anyway jb gave him the DIRTIEST LOOK EVER. LIKE HIS “do that again and i will not hesitate to strangle you and feed you to turtles in california” LOOK

 

Happy virus: that’s oddly specific but somehow accurate

 

Not brian: ^

 

DABDAB: what _I_ wanted to say was that youngjae jokingly called jb oppa and jy gave him tHE S A M E L OO K

 

KYUM: I’m not complaining but this went from “aw our parents went on a honeymoon trip” to “real jjp expose hours” real quick

 

Memelord: I’m living for these receipts though

 

Memelord: add us to your groupchat, it’s time for the jjp project

 

Markiepooh: you mean like we try to get them together?

 

wanganic tea: probably

 

kkkkwp: jj project project

 

Memelord: shut up wonpil or I’ll leave ur ass in jeju with jjp

 

kkkkwp: :,(

 

DABDAB: 1 like = 1 prayer 4 wonpil :(

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> special chap for my boo @immarbles, check her out!
> 
> while you're at it, check out a work we made together: Tequila Sunrise!  
> it's vhope and soon (this sunday) we'll be posting the next part of the series: Wine!  
> that will be Jikook and Yoongi/Kihyun (YoonHyun??) centric but dont worry theres still namjin and vhope<3
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter and please tell me what you think of it? do you want more day6?  
> also 420 hits blaze it amirite (take me out in the sniper way)
> 
> yell about all these group at me on instagram (@byuniehoney) and tumblr (@sad-pastel)


	11. Minhyuk Goes MIA (not again)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yugyeom dyes his hair and minhyuk suddenly gets kidnapped (at least that's what everyone thinks)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DID YALL SEE MARK YUGYEOM AND BAMBAMS NEW HAIR COLORS

 

**[stop JB from wearing bucket hats]**

_satan joined the chat_

_Hyunwoo joined the chat_

_Brownie sunbaenim joined the chat_

_DoubleB joined the chat_

_kyunie joined the chat_

_fresh tuna joined the chat_

 

Brownie sunbaenim: you know what? I’m tired of this nickname. Too many regrets.

 

kyunie: ???

 

kyunie: back when we were @ the karaoke bar you said that you’d drop everything to become Chris Brown’s baby boy

 

satan: dang kyun has the receipts

 

_DoubleB changed kyunie’s nickname to “dangkyun”_

 

Brownie sunbaenim: i was DRUNK

 

Brownie sunbaenim: and he is RICH

 

DoubleB: it’s aight yugy i got u, I got the perfect new nickname

 

Brownie sunbaenim: yes thanks bambam

 

_DoubleB changed Brownie sunbaenim’s nickname to “mustard”_

 

mustard: neck yourself

 

Hyunwoo: why mustard

 

fresh tuna: yugyeom dyed his hair yesterday and he basically looks like mustard now

 

mustard: that makes you ketchup then hyung

 

fresh tuna: I’d rather look like unhealthy tomato juice than a mayonnaise wannabe sauce

 

satan: same

 

mustard: jfc I can never win these

 

DoubleB: ngl mark hyung looks good

 

mustard: what about me???

 

DoubleB: you’re lucky you’re tall

 

dangkyun: Top 10 Most Shocking Anime Betrayals

 

satan: changkyun why

 

dangkyun: wait is that a dead meme

 

Hyunwoo: yes

 

dangkyun: well fuck

 

DoubleB: _when you try your best but you don’t succeed_

  


❇❆❇

  


**[stop JB from wearing bucket hats]**

_Hyunwoo joined the chat_

_satan joined the chat_

_headass joined the chat_

_fresh tuna joined the chat_

 

Hyunwoo: has anyone seen my son minhyuk

 

fresh tuna: he hasn’t been on today so I don’t know

 

satan: wait is THAT why he isn’t here yet?!

 

headass: tf is going on i need a recap

 

satan: so yoongi, hyunwoo, minhyuk and I do this monthly dinner together

 

satan: and minhyuk suddenly went MIA?

 

fresh tuna: I’d say call the police but it hasn’t been 24 hours yet

 

Hyunwoo: he’s not picking up his phone

 

headass: does he have beef with someone

 

Hyunwoo: what ?

 

satan: we’re talking about Minhyuk here, he’s unproblematic

 

headass: uhm markie over here is unproblematic as well but sometimes he pulls a SassMaster69

 

fresh tuna: lol

 

Hyunwoo: true

 

satan: do you think he got kidnapped by someone???

 

satan: i swear to god if he got kidnapped

 

satan: DJNVJDFFNJD

 

Hyunwoo: the fuck

 

satan: I honestly cannot with yoongi anymore

 

headass: what did he do

 

satan: he said that minhyuk might’ve been mistaken for an idol

 

fresh tuna: possible

 

Hyunwoo: why would you kidnap an idol though, like what will you do with them? You’ll have to feed them and what if you’re broke? Get sentenced for kidnapping and torture (starvation)?

 

headass: idk kiss them until u stop worrying about jail time???

 

Hyunwoo: there are plenty of cute boys/girls at the club though? Less trouble

 

satan: they’re psychos logic isn’t part of their vocabulary

 

_The Sun joined the chat_

 

Satan: youngjae!!!!!!

 

The Sun: hi! What’s with the spam?

 

Hyunwoo: we’re kind of in a tough situation

 

headass: even yoongi’s worrying, which says a lot

 

satan: no uhm I think he just wants to start eating the pasta I made

 

headass: or that

 

The Sun: well, care to tell me why?

 

fresh tuna: we think Minhyuk might be kidnapped

 

The Sun: what?

 

Hyunwoo: he suddenly disappeared and we’re worried

 

The Sun: lmao there’s no need to worry!!

 

satan: do you know where he is ?

 

The Sun: yes, he’s with me, we were watching spiderman

 

Hyunwoo: then why can’t I contact him?

 

The Sun: he just checked his phone died

 

The Sun: hi minhyuk here!! <3 I’m sorry for not realising it got so late, I’m really sorry, I’ll be at Kihyun’s in 15 minutes

 

satan: okay, please just update us next time;;

 

headass: Would you look at that! Satan is actually a big softie!

 

_The Sun left the chat_

 

satan: shut your cuck ass, headass.

 

fresh tuna: I’m honestly surprised at the fact that Jackson wrote a grammatically correct sentence.

 

headass: are you egging on me because jinyoung asked you to

 

satan: yes

 

fresh tuna: ……… yes

 

headass: i see how it is.

 

satan: please it’s not like we’re roasting your ass like you’re some chicken

 

headass: speaking of fried chicken, mark where you @ bro

 

fresh tuna: just got the fried chicken, I’ll be there in a few

 

Hyunwoo: I just realized that we’re always meeting up to eat food

 

headass: you say it as if it’s a bad thing

 

fresh tuna: we should all go eat somewhere together

 

satan: I honestly have the feeling we’ll end up opening the gates to hell if we ever get together for food. Like all of us. 14 people at 1 table.

 

headass: someone has to treat me tho, I’m too broke bc I always pay for bambam’s meals and he never pays back

 

fresh tuna: okay let’s ask jinyoung and jaebum what they think when they’re back from their honeymoon

 

fresh tuna: trip to jeju*

 

headass: lol u tried sweetie

 

satan: that was a half assed attempt, it’s obviously not a typo

 

fresh tuna: well it’s not like I’m lying either

 

headass: u got us there buddy

 

headass: they would probably say no though

 

headass: they already complain about how much we resemble a kindergarten, imagine that w kihyun and his crew

 

satan: ok I see where you’re coming from

 

satan: but

 

satan: okay look I have a table for 12 people at my place and we can totally fit in 2 more people, it’s settled your opinion doesn’t matter I make the rules here

 

headass: … thanks, satan

 

fresh tuna: … I’m not saying that

 

satan: no one’s asking u to

 

satan: but you’re welcome, comrade

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chap is going to be wild just giving a heads up
> 
> feel free to talk to me on:  
> instagram - @byuniehoney  
> tumblr - @sad-pastel


	12. you done fuckin up mate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when pink suddenly becomes lime green ( thanks to mr. how do you know im not big and mr. theres a reason were called monsta x ) 
> 
> \+ jjp update

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love kihyun

**[I Am What I Am Man]**

_THICCseok joined the chat_

_bitchwon joined the chat_

_sexy br_ _ains joined the chat_

 

THICCseok: it’s tuesday my dudes

 

THICCseok: and you know what that means ;)

 

sexy brains: well fuck me

 

bitchwon: sorry not yoongi

 

sexy brains: i hope you die a painful and slow death

 

THICCseok: it’s party tiME

 

bitchwon: I’ll just read as I wait for you to return so I can help you with your hangover

 

sexy brains: what are you reading??

 

bitchwon: the picture of dorian gray

 

sexy brians: not even surprised at this point

 

sexy brains: anyway try not to die hoseok I don’t want the police knocking on my door at 2:40 in the morning

 

THICCseok: of course

  


**[stop JB from wearing bucket hats]**

_headass joined the chat_

_headass added Memelord to the chat_

_headass added kkkkwp to the chat_

_headass added Not brian to the chat_

 

headass: ok so these losers are jae, wonpil and brian.

 

headass: they are going to help us with jjp and their unnecessary pinning and I told them abt y’all so they’re Up To Date with everything that went on in this chat

 

Not brian: hey, I’m not brian

 

Memelord: shut up brian

 

Not brian: god please give me strength because I am DONE with this neglect

 

_Jooheon joined the chat_

_frog joined the chat_

_satan joined the chat_

 

Memelord: jesus christ 17 people in this gc

 

_kkkkwp sent a picture_

 

headass: is that a fucking pic of jinyoung and jaebum sharing a strawberry milkshake?

 

headass: jaebum doesn’t even LIKE strawberry flavored things

 

headass: that’s really gay

 

headass: like as gay as it gets

 

headass: and that’s coming from me, the supreme gay of this chat

 

Jooheon: jacks pls

 

frog: they’re literally using one of those couple straws

 

Memelord: that’s love, bitch

 

Not brian: lmao

 

satan: legit

 

Jooheon: anyway uhhh

 

Jooheon: we might have a slight problem

 

frog: what the fuck is it

 

Jooheon: so the cafe. i visited it today bc i gotta check on the renovations ykno, i get paid for this

 

headass: …….. Oh _no_

 

Jooheon: it’s lime green.  The walls, I mean.

 

Memelord: rest in piñatas, amigos

 

kkkkwp: what are you guys gonna do now?

 

satan: who the fuck was in charge of the paint

 

headass: i think bambam and changkyun

 

Jooheon: i’m surprised you didn’t fuck it up jackson lol

 

headass: **i’m** surprised yugyeom didn’t fuck it up lol

 

frog: should we notify jinyoung and jaebum

 

headass: NO

 

headass: IM NOT TRYING TO GET MY ASS WHOOPED

 

frog: what are we gonna do then headass

 

headass: i got a plan

 

Not brian: no not a plan from jackson

 

Memelord: I’m all ears ;)

 

headass: jae, wonpil: make sure jjp don’t check their messages. Kick them out of this chat if they try to.

 

kkkkwp: and what if they ask us why ?

 

frog: just say that hoseok accidentally sent a dick pic

 

Jooheon: RIGHT WHEN I FUCKING FORGOT

 

Not brian: sorry, what?

 

satan: hoseok sent a dick pic to our group chat by accident before, it…. It happened

 

headass: legend

 

Memelord: ^

 

Jooheon: YALL ARENT THE ONES WHO SAW THEM SO SHUT IT IM ACTUALLY SCARRED

 

frog: i’ve become numb to all kinds of torture, even hoseok’s dick pics

 

frog: thanks college

 

Memelord: ME

 

satan: same tbh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do yall think of day6 ? 
> 
> also sorry for the false alarm it's right before midnight so i actually got this chap posted on wednesday wow


	13. Jae spills the hottest tea of the month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soft markson intro and real jjp expose hours pt.2
> 
> \+ wonpil suffering sorry bby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy birthday fresh tuna ;)
> 
> (no srsly happy birthday to my bias mark, the softest angel)

**private conversation between [Jia Er] and [Yi En]**

 

Jia Er: happy bIRTHDAY MARK <3

 

Yi En: thanks jacks!

 

Jia Er: thanks for being a good friend of mine, I hope we stay together like this forever

 

Yi En: I hope so too

 

Yi En: good night :)

 

Jia Er: good night birthday boy ;)

  


**private conversation between [JB] and [jinyoungie]**

 

jinyoungie: do you think jae told them……..

 

JB: about wonpil accidentally choking on a kiwi when a bird pooped on you? Most likely

 

jinyoungie: NO

 

jinyoungie: I was talking about, you know

 

jinyoungie: that.

 

JB: about us knowing that they fucked up the walls?

 

jinyoungie: yes that. I don’t even want to say it myself. I’m so…

 

JB: disappointed but not surprised

 

JB: I know the feeling. That’s what i felt when yugyeom dipped his croissant in his coffee.

 

jinyoungie: wait he did WHAT?

 

JB: look you never believe me when I tell you that he has the most bizarre taste but he really does

 

jinyoungie: wow sorry for doubting you hyung

 

Jinyoungie: anyway, come down already, we’re leaving soon

  


**[stop JB from wearing wearing bucket hats]**

_Memelord joined the chat_

_headass joined the chat_

_DoubleB joined the chat_

_Jooheon joined the chat_

 

Memelord: gather around kids it’s time for “Jae spills tea”

 

DoubleB: my favorite time of the day

 

headass: same

 

Memelord: first we’ll start off with a little accident

 

Memelord: so it was our last day in jeju today (we’re on the plane rn)

 

Memelord: and we decided to have a drink aka a smoothie

 

Memelord: and Wonpil decided he wanted to eat a kiwi

 

Jooheon: i dont know what happened yet but everyday we stray further from gods light

 

DoubleB: lol me when yugyeom wears capri pants

 

Memelord: luckily the hotel we stayed at had kiwis ( got the weirdest look from the staff when we ordered)

 

Memelord: btw this is happening outside bc we wanted to enjoy the sun bc yknow

 

Memelord: Winter Is Coming

 

Memelord: and our orders arrive we’re living life, enjoying ourselves, all that jazz

 

Memelord: suddenly JB goes

 

Memelord: “jirongie, is that shit on your shoulder”

 

Jooheon: DEAD

 

headass: KDBNCVFUBEOURVBDKJV BJFBV

 

Memelord: AND WONPIL CHOKED ON HIS KIWI

 

DoubleB: I love my friends they’re such memes

 

Memelord: on other news jjp are dating now congratulations no more kdrama like tension between them we’ve been blessedth

 

headass: wait WHAT

 

Jooheon: SPILL THE DEETS

 

DoubleB: FUCK ALL OF YOU IM CALLING DIBS IM GOING TO BE THE GUY WHO CARRIES THE RINGS

 

headass: CAN I BE THE ONE IN CHARGE OF THE DRINKS

 

Memelord: for the deets: jjp were having a (romantic) dinner together 3 days ago and we followed them (secretly) bc things had gotten steamy and OBVIOUSLY we were going to spy on them

 

DoubleB: AND THEN

 

Memelord: and JinyouNG suddenly held Jaebum’s hand and they smiled at each other and then they got super flustered because you know them

 

Memelord: worst ppl at feelings smh

 

headass: THIS IS SO CLICHE IM

 

Memelord: and the next day they told us that they’re official now (finally) and the third wheeling got a little better bc they suddenly have a sense of PDA

 

Memelord: also wonpil claims he accidentally walked into them kissing (more like making out) but he’s an untrustworthy source so I wouldn’t know

 

Jooheon: this shit wiiiiild

 

headass: love this tea jae

 

Memelord: you know I only serve the best ;)

 

Memelord: and oh they know about the walls

 

headass: FUCK

 

DoubleB: BRB MOVING TO ALASKA

 

Jooheon: FUCK MY PAY CHECK

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates will only be on wednesdays from now on due to my soul being tortured by school :)


	14. Versace on the Floor (literally)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> little interlude where Jackson tells hyung line about his adventures at the club (pt.1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chap BC I gotta study history

**[old and rich bitches]**  
_wangtastic joined the chat_  
_mork joined the chat_  
_mom joined the chat_  
_daddy joined the chat_

wangtastic: IN HONOUR OF JJP BEING BACK AND TOGETHER ITS TIME FOR ME TO TELL WHAT HAPPENED HERE DURING THE TRIP

daddy: please stop texting me here this nickname is embarrassing

mom: but it does fit

mork: ^ ngl

daddy: gdi

wangtastic: look I can't text in the main group chat there are children there

mork: oh yugyeom and bambam?

wangtastic: no, youngjae

daddy: yugyeom and bambam are nowhere near as pure as a child.

mork: I think that we’ve had this conversation like 20 times

mom: I miss shy high school yugyeom

wangtastic: SAME BUT MY STORY

wangtastic: so I went to a club w/ namjoon and a few others

wangtastic: guess who I see there

mom: Kim Minjae?

wangtastic: lmao I WISH but no

wangtastic: I saw wonho with jooheon

wangtastic: and I yelled “wonhoe is that YOU?”

daddy: why am I not fucking surprised

wangtastic: and he was like “oh my god HEADASS?”

wangtastic: jooheon was done I could see it in his face  
  
wangtastic: anyway I was like dang your thicc

mom: I want to die

daddy: me too babe.

wangtastic: anyway he said “thanks! and you have killer thighs” aND BASICALLY MY THIGHS FINALLY GOT THE APPRECIATION THEY DESERVE

mork: lol

wangtastic: and then we watched two girls fight over who has a nicer dress which led to everyone fighting with alcohol and throwing it everywhere

mork: aaaaand that's why I got a call at 3 am and had to go pick Jackson and the rest up with Kihyun and Hyungwon from the police station

wangtastic: worth it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i ACCIDENTALLY updated this on tuesday, sorry for that
> 
> anyway, the renovations are done which means it's party time ;)


	15. JB's " shake it and shake it for me " era

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the two moms meet and jb gets exposed (thanks yoongi)
> 
> alternatively: when kihyun's flatmate is as savage as him

* * *

**[stop JB from wearing bucket hats]**  
_headass joined the chat_  
_headass added myg to the chat_  
_myg left the chat_  
_headass added myg to the chat_  
_myg left the chat_  
_headass added myg to the chat_  
_mustard joined the chat_  
_DoubleB joined the chat_  
_Jooheon joined the chat_

headass: YOONGI PLEASE DONT LEAVE FMGUSJSJ

myg: that’s yoongi HYUNG to you, you fucking burnt carrot

mustard: lmfao burnt carrot

myg: shut the fuck up you mustard looking ass giant

mustard: :(

DoubleB: HDKDJSJW DEAD

DoubleB: all hail our overlord min yoongi

DoubleB: hyung

myg: why did you add me to this chat I'm trying to watch Buzzfeed Unsolved.

Jooheon: Supernatural or True Crime?

myg: True Crime.

Jooheon: I see that you are a true intellectual.

headass: so i heard from mark who heard from jb who heard from jinyoung that he will meet up with kihyun

Jooheon: now in a language i understand

headass: JINYOUNG IS VISITING KIHYUN

headass: YOU K N O W THAT THEYRE GONNA SPILL DIRT

_JB joined the chat_

headass: i want yoongi hyung to keep us up to date

myg: and why the fuck would I do that?

headass: that limited edition headphone u were talking about, i got it.

myg:..... so what do you want to know?

headass: what did they talk abt????

myg: what is abt

mustard: about

myg: uhh well

myg: they talked about Jaebum’s bleached blonde hair from 2011?2012? jinyoung was throwing serious shade.

JB: I'm not with him for .0005 seconds and this is what I get

headass: the Ultimate look right there

JB: remember who gives you your free haircuts Jackson :)

DoubleB: RIP Jackson he will be missed

myg: so jinyoung thought that I didn't believe him so he sent me this picture

_myg sent a picture_

JB: no

JB: nononononononono. NO.

Jooheon: jAEBUM IM SORRY MAN BUT ARE THOSE ORANGE HIGHLIGHTS? ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

DoubleB: BFJJDSKWOWSFHSJSJ

myg: so now kihyun is talking about that one time where hoseok got jooheon “super fucking drunk, like, a fucking alcoholic would be embarrassed because of how next level jooheon was” and how he started talking about conspiracy theories with namjoon and he got so emotional he put an entire peach in his mouth without knowing.

JB: and you guys dare shame me

mustard: and you guys dare shame ME

myg: jooheon, the fuck kinda drink did shin give you?

myg: I also need to talk to Namjoon about his spiritual talks smh

headass: bro……. why a peach

Jooheon: look I have a VALID explanation.

mustard: I’m all ears

DoubleB: ^

Jooheon: I was pretty much conscious but unconscious and I tried to drink a beer but I didnt realize I was holding the peach instead and I just put it in my mouth

JB: the whole thing?

Jooheon: … the whole thing

myg: as Kihyun always says: disappointed but not surprised

Jooheon: HHJSJWWJEB I HATE HOW ACCURATE THAT WAS FUCK OFF HYUNG

myg: you shouldn't have choked on that peach you bitch

DoubleB changed Jooheon’s nickname to “bitchy peach”

bitchy peach: bambam that's really fucking lame

myg: gotta go jinyoung is cooking and kihyun says i gotta help him set the table

headass: lmao whipped

myg: says you, the #1 mark enthusiast

DoubleB: E X P O S E H I M

JB: what bambam said

headass: suddenly i dont know i cant read

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on an exo chatfic so do you guys want me to post it now or


	16. two memes united: the mushroom and the coconut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the (not) long awaited youtuber Jeon Jungkook chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOT7 COMEBACK YES IM QUAKING  
> also PLEASE read the notes at the end ok ily

**[stop JB from wearing bucket hats]**  
_The Sun joined the chat_  
fresh tuna joined the chat  
mustard joined the chat

The Sun: it feels so great to open the cafe! it looks amazing

fresh tuna: so many customers though.. I’m glad everything’s going great but I’m also glad that it’s calmed down now

mustard : that’s fun and all but has anyone been paying attention to WHO our customers are?

The Sun: ???? locals???

mustard: fidjsjw no youngjae hyung

fresh tuna: I don't know either lol.

mustard: The Guy bambam’s been lowkey staring at???

The Sun: wait why is bambam staring at a guy

mustard: bruh that's Jeon Jungkook

fresh tuna: why does that name sound so familiar...

mustard: he is a famous vlogger and he's a professional dancer!

fresh tuna: I probably heard of him from JB then

The Sun: yea I remember hyunwoo hyung and jaebum hyung talking about him

mustard: dang can jaebum hmu with his number

_DoubleB joined the chat_

DoubleB: KIM YUGYEOM YOU MUSTARD COVERED FUCKING MUSHROOM

mustard: hi dude

DoubleB: JJK HAS BEEN STARING AT U DO U KNOW HIM

mustard: wait what

fresh tuna: is it just me or is this jungkook going to yugyeom

The Sun: OOOOO HE SAID SOMETHING TO HIM

DoubleB: IM LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF JEON FUCKING JUNGKOOK JUST WENT “oh my god, are you the “Brownie sunbaenim just followed me on instagram!” guy? you're a legend.” BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

fresh tuna: apparently jackson’s too he's snorting rn

DoubleB: ok I went to them and we exchanged numbers and took selfies

The Sun: I saw :D

mustard: oh my fucking god my favorite youtuber called me a legend

DoubleB: AND YOU HATED MY ASS FOR UPLOADING THAT

mustard: but he said he liked my coffee… my first decent coffee…

fresh tuna: “our little baby is growing so quickly” - Jackson

fresh tuna: jackson also said that his tastebuds are probably fucked up

DoubleB: he apparently comes here a lot and has been looking forward to our reopening ??? why have i never seen him before im

The Sun: he probably comes here during 94 liners’ shifts

fresh tuna: possible

DoubleB: I can't believe I have Jeon Jungkook’s number now though

mustard: same

mustard: thank you Brownie sunbaenim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so as you guys can see 3 chaps left!!  
> but if you want read more chats while waiting for the last three chaps I got some good news for you: I've started working on an exo chat fic called Acai Lemonade  
> (as u can guess I love naming works after drinks)
> 
> it's an AU where some members are police agents, detectives and forensic pathologists (if you don't know what that it's it's basically that guy who cuts open dead bodies to figure out how someone was killed)
> 
> my lovely beta has already approved of the first chap (s/o to her lol) which will be posted shortly after this. it will be updated on Fridays!  
> if you have any questions leave a comment and as always I'll reply quickly (because I have no life and basically live on this site and studyblr/gram)
> 
> update: Acai Lemonade has been posted


	17. burning scalps and drinking bleach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bambam decided to dye his hair (with JB and Wonho's help);
> 
> Kihyun wishes everyone would stop calling Yoongi his sugar daddy;
> 
> and Jackson has Another Magnificent Plan.
> 
> OR this chapter is going to set a shitshow in action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I merged chapter 2 chapters together, that's why there'll be one chapter left!!

**[stop JB from wearing bucket hats]**  
_DoubleB joined the chat_  
_mustard joined the chat_  
_headass joined the chat_  
_fresh tuna joined the chat_  
_Jinyoung joined the chat_  
_JB joined the chat_  
_The Sun joined the chat_  
_bitchy peach joined the chat_  
_Hyunwoo joined the chat_  
_frog joined the chat_  
_satan joined the chat_  
_minANGEL joined the chat_  
_dangkyun joined the chat_  
_wonhoe joined the chat_

  
bitchy peach: the squad has assembled

satan: squad where??? whomst????

frog: me? friends with yoo kihyun? did I accidentally wake up in another dimension??

dangkyun: WE GET IT YOU TWO WOULD CHOKE EACH OTHER IF IT WASNT AGAINST THE LAW

headass: ok let's ignore the first 4 texts

headass: im gladeth that all of you are here because i have something incredibly important to discuss with yall

DoubleB: but firsT MY HAIR

DoubleB: IM DYING MY HAIR (s/o to JB hyung and wonho hyung)

wonhoe: aka the only ones with experience when it comes to dye apparently? weird considering the fact that none of us have our natural hair color

JB: I already know that something is going to happen

mustard: please don't burn his scalp

Jinyoung: please do burn his scalp

satan: I always go to a professional for my hair

dangkyun: okay Kihyun hyung we get it you have a sugar daddy but some of us are still struggling economically let us live don't shove it in our faces

satan: FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME YOONGI IS NOT MY FUCKING SUGAR DADDY

frog: that's what they all say

minANGEL: didn't he get you a Rolex for your birthday?

DoubleB: exposeD BY THE ANGEL HIMSELF

dangkyun: THERE YOU GO HYUNG

satan: YEAH BECAUSE I GOT HIM A FEW THINGS FROM SWAROWSKI

fresh tuna: lmao

Hyunwoo: come on guys, Bambam wanted to say something let him speak

Hyunwoo: what color are you going for?

DoubleB: silver

The Sun: we are deadass in the same room why don't we just speak?

headass: that's so the 21th century

Jinyoung: fuckass we're in that fucking century

headass: 20th*

satan: there is no way that that was a typo

JB: smh jackson

bitchy peach: oh shit the bleach is ready here we go

fresh tuna: so Jinyoung

Jinyoung: what is it?

frog: oh shit that's true Jackson finally took you out to eat meat

fresh tuna: yea how did that go?  
  
Jinyoung: okay

headass: okay? just okay? you complain about me not taking you out to eat meat for a month and it was okay? I see how it is now.

Jinyoung: the meat was good, I forgive you. there

headass: thanks.

headass: SCREENSHOTTED THIS SHIT

bitchy peach: one drama finally ended

frog: Jesus Christ everyone's fucking loud

minANGEL: everyone's just having fun

frog: agree to disagree

frog: kyunie looks like he wants to bury himself with the 674839 washi tapes he bought

frog: also that's exactly why you're broke kyun

Hyunwoo: ….. is Hyungwon defending Kihyun rn?

Double B: gasp

dangkyun: wow you didn't have to attack me like that hyungwon I know you don't have to remind me

Jinyoung: YUGYEOM

mustard: what is it now hyung

Jinyoung: DID YOU JUST DRINK THE BLEACH

bitchy peach: WAIT WHAT

headass: TF DID I MISS

mustard: GGKDNDISKSKSKNCNCKSSN NO I DIDNT THAT WAS MILK

Jinyoung: THANK GOD

satan: wHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DRINKING MILK @ 5PM

mustard: ITS THE ONLY THING I LIKE THATS AVAILABLE IN THIS HOUSE

The Sun: yugyeom really is the maknae ㅋㅋㅋㅋ our cute little baby

headass: imagine yugyeom casually drinking bleach and going sup my dudes

fresh tuna: I think that he would be a little too dead to do that

JB: okay we're done Jesus

DoubleB: I LOVE IT THANKS

wonhoe: aw don't mention it babe

JB: what hoseok said

headass: OKAY SO ABOUT MY IDEA

headass: SO I WAS THINKING

Jinyoung: oh so you are capable of thinking now?

JB: ^

headass: you tall shits I’m not going through this again

headass: so I was thinking that we should host a PRIVATE Halloween party @ the cafe

headass: closing earlier for one day wouldn't hurt anybody

headass: and like it’ll be decorated anyway

Jinyoung: oh wow that's actually a pretty good idea

headass: and ofc yoongi hyung, jae and everyone else are invited too

headass: but like just our friends

headass: ok everyone just tell me who you're gonna dress up ass imean I already know that y'all decided on something already bc we discussed this yesterday but I forgot like 99% so help a bro out

mustard: was that ass also intentional

headass: yes

mustard: oh

headass: I’m gonna be a werewolf

mustard: I’ll be Harry Potter

DoubleB: I’m dressing up as Draco Malfoy ;)

Jinyoung: vampire here

JB: Werewolf

dangkyun: wow relationship goals

The Sun: Minhyuk and I’ll both come as a teddy bear!!!

fresh tuna: luigi because I forgot to get something and I'm too lazy

headass: ok what abt the interior designers???

dangkyun: that PPAP guy

satan: my name

headass: not even surprised

frog: none other than the protagonist from Persona 5

bitchy peach: DANNY PHANTOM

bitchy peach: I tried to convince changkyun to dress up as him because his name is Daniel but he wouldn't so here I am

Hyunwoo: just a zombie

wonhoe: the joker ;)

headass: aight thanks amigos

headass: Sunmi’s helping me plan everything so y'all will get a message about this later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> exciting exciting !!! one more chapter left!! please let me know what you thought of this chapter and what you assume will happen in the next one! 
> 
> if you need another chat to read while waiting for the next update of Matcha Macchiato (which will be on Wednesday), check out Acai Lemonade, an exo chatfic where the members are police officers/forensic pathologists/detectives/advocates (yes it's ot12 im emo ok)


	18. spooky time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the boys held the Halloween party the day before in the cafe and now they're looking back to everything that happened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chap!!

**[stop JB from wearing bucket hats]**   
_DoubleB joined the chat_   
_mustard joined the chat_   
_headass joined the chat_   
_fresh tuna joined the chat_   
_Jinyoung joined the chat_   
_JB joined the chat_   
_The Sun joined the chat_   
_bitchy peach joined the chat_   
_Hyunwoo joined the chat_   
_frog joined the chat_   
_satan joined the chat_   
_minANGEL joined the chat_   
_dangkyun joined the chat_   
_wonhoe joined the chat_

headass: IM FUCKING CRYING

headass: THAT WAS ONE OF THE WILDEST PARTIES IVE HOSTED WHICH SAYS A LOT

Hyunwoo: okay I have a question about last Night

Hyunwoo: so I go to the toilet with Minhyuk because he’s as green as the green paint I used on my face and I was zombie

Hyunwoo: and after like 10 minutes we come back and JB is on the floor complaining and youngjae lies next to him (K.O.)

Hyunwoo: yugyeom is owning the dance floor

Hyunwoo: Jinyoung is laughing so fucking hard that he quite literally spilled wine over himself and Kihyun laughs at that and spills champagne over himself

Hyunwoo: changkyun has that “I’m confused by this situation but I don't want to look like a dumbass so I’ll just act as if I’m done with everyone in this room” look on his face and Hyungwon has the same look minus the confusion part

Hyunwoo: Jooheon and Jackson are covered in cake while Wonho and Mark are covered in some red good which I later found out was very red pudding (how????)

minANGEL: party side of this group chat, explain

JB: I HAVE A VERY VALID POINT

Jinyoung: best night of my life

JB: look, so yugyeom wanted us to have a dance battle and the song was go crazy by 2pm

JB: but the catch is it's thrice as fast

wonhoe: JB WAS DEAD AT THE END

The Sun: I gave up like 3 seconds into the song

Hyunwoo: that's it???

satan: basically yes

satan: on other news I have a new torture method thanks to that disaster lmao.

Jinyoung: send me vids when you use it on someone

satan: of course

mustard: the last month or so has literally been JB hyung and JY hyung going from saltmates to soulmates and JY hyung and KH hyung becoming saltmates

frog: how touching

frog: I was pretty sure JB broke his back

JB: I’m pretty sure I actually did

minANGEL: can't believe I missed that! what happened to the others??

bitchy peach: oh our story is less wow

dangkyun: everything is wow when food is involved

bitchy peach: u rite bro I take my previous statement back my dudebro

fresh tuna: we were just talking with Hyolyn and Somi until Hyolyn went “Do you know what this party needs? Drama.” and then Somi screamed FOOD FIGHT

headass: it got so wild when Jungkook and Taehyung joined us lmaooo

wonhoe: DONT FORGET MINO AND BOBBY

bitchy peach: who was the one who deadass threw a smoothie????

frog: the cafe got renovated like a week ago and you guys already made a mess out of it

frog: disappointed, disgusted but not surprised.

JB: we took our precautions.

Hyunwoo: like??

Jinyoung: why do you think everything was covered with trash bags? like literally everything?

JB: anyway Jinyoung and I have to go because we made reservations

headass: y’all did what?

Jinyoung: brunch date, jackson, brunch date.

wonhoe: I’ll just be at home with hyungwon and my hangover until lunch

headass: aLSO DONT FORGET: 4PM @ Kihyun’s for some good ass matcha macchiatos ok lol bye losers

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a wild ass ride, but I hope you enjoyed it!  
> feel free to leave a comment or read my other works if you want more ;)  
> but this is where Matcha Macchiato ends


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